The Marshmellon's Birth

I have wanted to write something about this for several weeks, but I am still not sure what to say about it. Giving birth to the Marshmellon was a much, much different experience than giving birth to the Squeaker. It was a lot more painful, since I didn't get an epidural or any other pain medication, but it was also more amazing.

I had already gone through four or five bouts of false labor in the last two weeks. The contractions would stop immediately after I ate something, which was frustrating. Finally, six days after my supposed due date, I woke up with contractions that did not stop when I ate breakfast. They still kind of came and went all day, though. I went up to my midwives' clinic around 11 am and they found that I was already 4 cm. But since I wasn't in full-blown labor we decided that I would go home until things picked up. And it took a while for things to pick up. I am so glad I went into the clinic instead of the hospital; the hospital would have made me stay, and the contractions didn't become actual active labor until about 8 pm that night.

My doula, Jamie (who was so awesome, by the way. All women should get doulas) came over at around 8:30 and we all headed over to the hospital by 9.

I had practiced Hypnobirthing techniques for a couple of months prior to this, so I coped pretty well with the contractions for most of the time. Until transition hit, anyway.

I won't sugar coat it; transition was a beast. At first, I suggested in between contractions to my husband, "Um, maybe we can talk to them about an epidural, after all. Like a 'walking epidural' that some people get." But then he and Jamie would say, "You are doing so well. You are doing an amazing job. Are you really sure you want to get an epidural?"

As labor got more intense, I started becoming more insistent until about a half an hour before I started pushing when I started practically begging for an epidural.  By then, however, I was 8 cm and an epidural wouldn't have done me any good anyway. At the time I thought, "Man, this sucks. Next time I am totally getting an epidural at the beginning." Not getting an epidural had one huge benefit, however: because I could move around more, I was able to deliver the baby on my hands and knees instead of flat on my back. I also could feel which muscles to use for pushing, which meant that I only had to push for I think maybe 20 minutes instead of two hours 45 minutes. The biggest upside, however, was the fact that I didn't tear. YAY! Anyone who has ever torn or had an episiotomy will tell you that this is a VERY good thing.

This is not to say that I was all smiles during the pushing process. In Hypnobirthing, they tell you to "breathe the baby out." Ha. I screamed him out. It was not very comfortable at all. I think I even said, about minute before I delivered his head, "I don't want him out any more." Everyone laughed but me.

But everything changed when he was actually born. This part is what is so difficult to convey to other people. It is also kind of personal. They passed him through my legs so I could look at him, all covered in blood and vernix. All the pain instantly went away, and was replaced by a mix of emotions that I am still trying to sort through - relief, elation, joy, and especially personal pride.

When the Squeaker was born, I didn't think he was particularly good-looking or even cute. I was happy, of course, but compared to the Marshmellon's birth, it was kind of bland. I immediately thought the Marshmellon was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I felt so alive. All the pain was definitely worth it. I would go this route again.

Another thing I want to mention about the birth is that I had exemplary perinatal care. I had a fantastic team in the delivery room, and everyone there wanted me to succeed in my goal to have an unmedicated birth. Apart from The Husband and my doula, I had my Certified Nurse Midwife (Claudia) and the L&D nurse (Sheryl). Sheryl had given birth to five children naturally, herself. Everyone was so supportive and no one seemed to mind that they were up at 2 am to help me, even when I started to get whiny. No one said or did anything to make me feel rushed, or like I was working on a deadline. Everyone knew I could get through it, even when I wasn't so sure myself.

The agony of transition notwithstanding, this birth is something I will treasure always. It was a hugely transformative experience, and a beautiful one.

Also, as it happens, this birth was way cheaper that my first one. We got our statement from the hospital last week, and they charged us fully half of what they asked for when the Squeaker was born. Doulas are so much less expensive than epidurals!